i just read this post over on meg's blog, and it was so beautiful, i just had to share. she has such an incredible way of expressing everything one has ever thought or felt, in a way that i would never be able to put into words.
"here's the thing.
i want to know everything.
i want to know which side of the bed you sleep on when it's just you.
and how you take your coffee--or your tea--or your oversized glass of
orange juice. i want to study how your eyelashes cut the air when you
look down and learn the movement of your fingers across the sunday
times. i want to count the ways in which you laugh--to count the ways in
which i can make you laugh. i want to know how old you were when you
first felt the sting of heartache--were you seven, ten, twenty-one? what
was her name? the color of her hair? what was the first lie you told?
the last? tell me about the first time you made love--the color of the
morning-after as it angled into the room, as it cut across her back.
tell me your first great loss. your secret shame--the thing you think
makes you damaged in that irreparable way. teach me how to undress you
from across a room. teach me how to settle and silence your chaos. teach
me to clear a space for you. always. let me love the cracked and dirty
and fatally-flawed version of yourself. tell me if you believe in past
lives and why. is there an image that feels older than yourself? i want
to know what you cook and how you cook it and if you play a record while
you do so. i want to know if there is a room in the apartment that is
better for dancing than the others. tell me what you get from the corner
store night after night. does the man behind the counter know your
name? i want to know if there is a color to your grief. is it a wooly
overcoat heavy on your shoulders or a shadow that stands a perpetual ten
feet back? i want to know what you're most afraid of--not what you say
you're most afraid of, but what is too terrifying to even utter aloud.
i think you think i want too much. that i demand too much. that i...expect too much.
that you'll never be enough to fill the space of all my wants and needs.
and i want to shake you. tell you you were enough for me that first night we met. and you've been enough every day since.
it's not a question of enough or not enough. it's a question of wanting
to know more. of wanting to sit with your hand on mine and have that be
everything." -Meg Fee